Get ready to giggle and groan (in a good way), because these Halloween jokes are so funny, they’re scary! Perfect for kids from 1st to 6th grade, these spooky (but silly!) jokes are just the treat you need this October. Whether you’re sharing laughs at a Halloween party, telling jokes during recess, or reading them at home in your costume, this collection of 100 jokes will bring out the monster-sized chuckles in everyone. Warning: You might laugh your skeleton off!
Every joke comes with its punchline, so the list works both for kids reading on their own and for grown-ups reading out loud. Jokes 1 to 88 are ghost, vampire, skeleton, witch and pumpkin puns, and 89 to 100 are Halloween knock knock jokes. If you’re a parent packing lunches or a teacher planning the class party, keep scrolling past the list for printable joke cards and a guide to which jokes fit which age. Before you start, try the Punchline Pause in the Joke Machine below: every punchline stays hidden until you tap, so you can stump a grown-up first.
Halloween Joke Machine: Guess the Punchline First
Pick a monster, read the joke, and try to guess the punchline before you tap. Knock knock jokes play one line at a time, so you can take turns with a grown-up. Tap Giggle on the ones you love to build your party set.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? The punchline is joke number 1 in the list below. Turn on JavaScript to play.
Just for fun: every joke comes from the 100 Halloween jokes on this page. Your giggles and groans are saved in this browser only, and nothing is sent anywhere.
1. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
Answer: They don’t have the guts!
2. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Answer: Wrap music!
3. What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Answer: I-scream!
4. Why didn’t the vampire have any friends?
Answer: Because he was a pain in the neck!
5. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite!
6. Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
Answer: It lifts their spirits!
7. What do witches put on their bagels?
Answer: Scream cheese!
8. Why did the zombie go to school?
Answer: He wanted to improve his “dead”-ucation!
9. What’s a ghost’s favorite day of the week?
Answer: Fright-day!
10. What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Answer: Spare ribs!
11. Why don’t mummies take vacations?
Answer: They’re afraid they’ll unwind!
12. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Answer: A blood orange!
13. Why are ghosts such bad liars?
Answer: Because you can see right through them!
14. What kind of dog does Dracula have?
Answer: A bloodhound!
15. What do you call a big, round pumpkin?
Answer: A plumpkin!
16. Why did the skeleton go to the dance alone?
Answer: He had no body to go with!
17. What game do ghosts love to play?
Answer: Hide and shriek!
18. What’s a ghost’s favorite subject in school?
Answer: Boo-ology!
19. What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?
Answer: A sandwich!
20. What do you call a lost wolf?
Answer: A where-wolf!
21. Why do vampires always seem sick?
Answer: They’re always coffin!
22. What room does a ghost not need?
Answer: A living room!
23. What kind of makeup do witches wear?
Answer: Mas-scare-a!
24. How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern?
Answer: With a pumpkin patch!
25. What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Answer: Boo-jeans!
26. What do you call a pumpkin that guards the swimming pool?
Answer: A life-gourd!
27. What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor?
Answer: Vein-illa!
28. Why didn’t the skeleton go trick-or-treating?
Answer: His heart wasn’t in it!
29. How do monsters like their eggs?
Answer: Terri-fried!
30. What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at the amusement park?
Answer: The roller-ghoster!
31. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Answer: Day-scare!
32. Why is Dracula so good at math?
Answer: Because he’s a Count!
33. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Answer: Ghoul-ash!
34. What did the skeleton say before dinner?
Answer: "Bone appetit!"
35. What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?
Answer: Count Quackula!
36. What does a zombie say after a joke?
Answer: "That’s dead funny!"
37. Why don’t witches ride their brooms when they’re angry?
Answer: They’re afraid they’ll fly off the handle!
38. Who do monsters buy cookies from?
Answer: The Ghoul Scouts!
39. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Answer: Tickle its funny bone!
40. Where do vampires keep their money?
Answer: In a blood bank!
41. Why did the vampire flunk art class?
Answer: Because he could only draw blood!
42. What do ghosts wear when it rains?
Answer: Boo-ts!
43. Why do mummies make good employees?
Answer: Because they’re always wrapped up in their work!
44. Why do witches wear name tags?
Answer: So they know which witch is which!
45. Why are spiders so good at baseball?
Answer: They know how to catch flies!
46. What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?
Answer: Broommates!
47. What do you call a skeleton who won’t get out of bed?
Answer: Lazybones!
48. What kind of key opens a haunted house?
Answer: A spoo-key!
49. Why was the ghost a great cheerleader?
Answer: She had a lot of spirit!
50. What do monsters use to keep their breath fresh?
Answer: Goblin mints!
51. What did the pumpkin say to the pie?
Answer: “You complete me!”
52. Why did the werewolf get the biggest laugh at the talent show?
Answer: He was howl-arious!
53. Why did the witch stand up in front of the class?
Answer: She had to give a screech!
54. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Answer: Boo-berry pie!
55. How do you write a letter to a ghost?
Answer: Use invisible ink!
56. What do birds say on Halloween?
Answer: Trick or tweet!
57. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Answer: Fangsgiving!
58. Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Answer: Mali-boo!
59. What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
Answer: Rice Creepies!
60. Where do witches park their brooms?
Answer: In the broom closet!
61. What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
Answer: A dead-i bear!
62. What’s a mummy’s favorite type of clothing?
Answer: Wrap-around skirts!
63. Why don’t monsters ever get into arguments?
Answer: They don’t want to make a scene!
64. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
Answer: The trom-bone!
65. What’s the best way to talk to a monster?
Answer: From far, far away!
66. What do you call a goblin who steals your treats?
Answer: A robbin’ goblin!
67. What’s a bat’s favorite game?
Answer: Bat-minton!
68. What kind of boat does a vampire travel in?
Answer: A blood vessel!
69. What did one ghost say to the other?
Answer: “Do you believe in people?”
70. Why are black cats such good singers?
Answer: They’re very mewsical!
Smarty Pants fact: black cats have not always been spooky. Long before anyone called them unlucky, cats were treated as sacred in ancient Egypt, a story Who Smarted? digs into in its episode on superstitions.
71. Why is Dr. Frankenstein never lonely?
Answer: He knows how to make friends!
Smarty Pants fact: that joke works because Frankenstein is the scientist, not the monster. In Mary Shelley’s novel, the creature he builds never gets a name, and as the Who Smarted? episode on Frankenstein tells it, she started writing the story when she was only 18.
72. What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
Answer: The “grim sweeper!”
73. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Answer: Ghoul-aid!
74. What do witches drive?
Answer: Broom-mobiles!
75. Why did the skeleton cross the road?
Answer: To get to the body shop!
76. How do ghosts send letters?
Answer: Through the ghost office!
77. Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
Answer: Because he wanted a light snack!
78. How do monsters tell the future?
Answer: They read their horror-scopes!
79. What kind of monster is the best dancer?
Answer: The boogieman!
80. What’s a witch’s favorite exercise?
Answer: Spell-ups!
81. How does a vampire start a letter?
Answer: “Tomb it may concern!”
82. What’s a monster’s favorite kind of bean?
Answer: A human bean!
83. What do you say to a monster with three heads?
Answer: “Hello, hello, hello!”
84. Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Answer: He was feeling rotten!
85. What do ghosts wash their hair with?
Answer: Sham-boo!
86. Why did the little ghost need a bandage?
Answer: He had a boo-boo!
87. Why did the skeleton go to the library?
Answer: To bone up on his reading!
88. Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
Answer: He heard it had great circulation!
Halloween Knock Knock Jokes
Knock knock jokes are the easiest Halloween jokes to tell, because the joke does half the work: one person knocks, the other asks who’s there, and the pun lands on the very last line. Kids can tell them long before they can make one up. In a Reading Rockets post on knock knock jokes and riddles, reading educator Joanne Meier describes her joke-loving six-year-old, who tells knock knock jokes at dinner but is not yet able to invent her own word play.
Picture a five-year-old in a bat costume who reaches the front porch and calls out “Knock, knock!” before anyone can hold out the candy bowl. Number 94 was made for that moment, and the neighbor who plays along gets the biggest giggle of the night.
Want more for the rest of the year? Our 65 knock knock jokes for kids work any day, costume or not.
89. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who?
Answer: Phillip my bag with candy, please!
90. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Witch. Witch who?
Answer: Witch way to the Halloween party?
91. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Candy. Candy who?
Answer: Candy you open the door? I want to show you my costume!
92. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Frank. Frank who?
Answer: Frank you for all the treats!
93. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Owl. Owl who?
Answer: Owl be back next Halloween!
94. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Bat. Bat who?
Answer: Bat you can’t guess what I’m dressed up as!
95. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Goblin. Goblin who?
Answer: Goblin all your candy at once will give you a tummy ache!
96. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Fangs. Fangs who?
Answer: Fangs for letting me in!
97. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Howl. Howl who?
Answer: Howl you know if you don’t open the door?
98. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ya. Ya who?
Answer: Wow, somebody’s excited for Halloween!
99. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Pumpkin. Pumpkin who?
Answer: Pumpkin up the music, it’s a Halloween party!
100. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who?
Answer: Gladys Halloween, aren’t you?
Which Halloween Jokes Work Best at Each Age
The best Halloween joke for a kid depends on age: little kids laugh at silly sounds and the back-and-forth of a knock knock joke, while jokes that hinge on a word with two meanings start to land from about age 6. A 2021 study in PLoS One on how young children appreciate humor describes kids moving from slapstick to riddles and jokes built on double meanings, and, citing earlier research, notes that really getting a joke means spotting the surprise and then working out why it fits, a skill that does not show up before about age 6.
Ages 4 to 6: start with the knock knock jokes and the sound-alike puns, like boo-jeans in number 25 and scream cheese in number 7. If you’re reading to a preschooler, act out the punchline, because the silly voice often gets the laugh before the pun does. For more at this age, see our jokes for kindergarteners.
Ages 6 to 8: this is prime time for classic question and answer jokes such as numbers 1, 16 and 39, where the answer flips one word: guts, body, funny bone. Our jokes for 7 year olds keep the same style going all year.
Ages 9 to 11: reach for jokes that bend a whole phrase, like fly off the handle in number 37, make a scene in number 63, and bone up in number 87. Those are the ones older kids retell to their friends. For everyday material, try our jokes for 10 year olds.
Say your ten-year-old rolls his eyes at knock knock jokes. Hand him number 88, the vampire who reads the newspaper because it has great circulation, then wait a second. The groan that follows is the sound of a double meaning landing, and he will probably try it on someone at dinner.
Printable Halloween Joke Cards for Lunchboxes and Parties
The Joke Card Maker below turns any of these 100 jokes into printable cards: the joke goes on the front, the punchline hides on the back once you fold it, and you can add a To and From line. Eight cards fit on one sheet of paper.
If you’re packing lunches, print a sheet of eight and tuck in one card a day. If you’re a teacher planning the class party, print one card per student and let each kid read theirs aloud before snack time.
Picture a second grader who opens her lunchbox on Monday and finds a folded card asking what witches put on their bagels. She has the whole table guessing before she flips it over to read “Scream cheese!” By Thursday, her friends ask what the card says before she has even opened her lunch.
- Pick a monster, or mix them all up.
- Type a name for the To and From lines.
- Print, then cut on the dashed lines.
- Fold each card so the punchline hides on the back.
Halloween Joke Card Maker: Print Jokes for Lunchboxes and Parties
Pick a monster, add names, and print. The joke goes on the front, and the punchline hides on the back once you fold the card. Eight cards fit on one sheet of paper.
Turn on JavaScript to make joke cards, or print this page and cut out your favorite jokes from the list.
Just for fun: the jokes come from the 100 Halloween jokes on this page. Names you type stay on this page, are not saved, and are never sent anywhere. Printing opens your browser's own print window.
A Spook-tacular Ending
Halloween is the perfect time for costumes, candy, and creepy-cute laughs! These kid-friendly Halloween jokes are sure to keep the giggles going long after the trick-or-treating ends. Whether you’re a student, parent, or teacher, share these jokes for a frightfully fun way to celebrate the season. Print them out, tell one each morning in class, or drop a few in your Halloween party invitations, because there’s nothing scary about a good laugh!
More Spooky Fun for Kids
Get more laughs and chills:
- Halloween Trivia Questions for Kids
- Halloween riddles with answers
- Jokes for kids that work all year long
Keep the Spooky Fun Going With the Who Smarted? Podcast
Once the jokes run out, the questions start: why do black cats seem spooky, and who was Frankenstein, anyway? Who Smarted? is a podcast for curious kids and the grown-ups riding along, full of the true stories behind the things kids wonder about. On the way to your next Halloween party, press play and listen to the Who Smarted? podcast together.
